Well it’s the long weekend and for me it starts today so there will not be any postings this evening… unless something really cool happens and I just have to tell you about it. However, here is your Mythoscope for those of you poor souls who have been stuck at home drinking green tea and awaiting my enlightenment since yesterday. You are now free once more.

The Mythoscope. 2 of 3

Scorpio
A close family member will die this month… no wait. Sorry, we were looking at the constellation upside down. That’s not right at all. OK, here it is. A close family member will KILL YOU, this month. Well, aren’t you relieved…

Pisces
You will have an unexpected guest this month, most likely a skunk, although it could be your lawyer (they look the same on our charts). Either way, it’s gonna stink. Take the initiative to be proactive and do absolutely nothing today, the rewards will be immediate. Your lucky numbers are the phone numbers of your local pizza place and the Shopping Network.

Virgo
An old secret will come back to haunt you very soon. Face it like a man and stop whinnying about the uselessness of contraceptives. If you are a woman, ignore the previous statement, instead, you will win a small prize at the local lottery, but the IRS will keep most of it. Your lucky numbers are 27 12 34 3 5 and 10… but those are not the ones you will win the lottery with.

Capricorn
The ties that have held you down and kept you from feeling free and fulfilled will be taken away this month. When this happens, remember to check in with your parole officer within 24 hours and don’t leave the state. Also, your uncle’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s fifth grade math teacher will break a leg while playing monopoly. It will be completely irrelevant to you.