This post is not so much humorous as an attempt to inform on an important subject.

There is a certain word that for some reason, those of my gender appear to have trouble understanding. It’s not a difficult word. It’s not an obscure word. It is, in fact, a very common word that is used quite frequently, but for some reason its meaning is lost on many men.

That word is: consent.

What is consent? According to the dictionary, “to permit, approve, or agree; comply or yield”

In every single instance, the word “consent” indicates something that must be granted. It’s not something that can be taken by force, or simply implied. This is important, because when it comes to sexual relationships, consent is the almighty gatekeeper. An absolute prerequisite. A mandatory requirement. An essential ingredient. Remove it, and your recipe changes instantly from “sex” to “rape”. Instantly and irrevocably.

So this is a quick run-through of the basic and important points one must remember when dealing with “consent”. It is not all-encompassing and if I missed something, feel free to smack me with it on the comments. However, this is something that I think every boy and girl should learn before they leave middle school, but I might be asking too much here.

(This post focuses on a male to female scenario because that seems to be what causes the most problems these days. But it applies regardless of who is consenting or not. So ladies, if you tell the guy you would like to ride him until he sees eight different deities and he respectfully declines, the party is over. Sorry.)

So what are the most important things that must be kept in mind regarding “consent”?

First, consent is NEVER implied. EVER.

She agreed to go out with you? Consent not implied.
Expensive lobster dinner with imported caviar and a bottle of wine personally set aside by Jesus Christ from that one party? Consent still not implied.
She agreed to go back to your place for a cup of coffee? Still not implied.
Making out with you on the sofa while The Notebook plays on tv? Regardless of what your erection and the pain of watching The Notebook tell you, consent is still not implied.

In fact, you could both be fully naked in your bedroom and the pack of condoms halfway open, and even though by this point consent has most likely been given (hopefully), here is the funny thing with consent: it is basically a tourist visa to her body, and it can be revoked at any time. Yes, even while you’re already visiting and even if you have already explored some of the local attractions.

If at any point in the proceedings consent is revoked, your visa is cancelled and you must leave the country immediately. Party is over and you are entitled to a sad pout and a cold shower. End of story. Have a good night.

The other important thing about consent is, the person has to be in full capacity to give it. You can’t sneak into the country while the guard is passed out drunk. If the woman is, for ANY reason, unable to grant consent, then the default is “consent NOT given”. Always.

That means that if she is:

• underage
• drunk
• drugged
• asleep
• mentally impaired in any way
• and yes, even emotionally impaired

she is unable to provide consent and as such consent is denied by default.

That last one is a tricky one because a person who is emotionally impaired might seem to be granting consent and as far as the law is concerned, they are. But in reality their judgement has most likely been compromised by their current emotional state (due to recent breakup, death of a loved one, traumatic experience, etc) and it is your responsibility as a decent human being to not take advantage of this temporary impairment. But that might require more moral fiber than other situations.

The last important thing to remember is that, while consent can be given in a non-verbal way, especially if you are already in a romantic relationship with someone, it can also revoked at any time. It doesn’t matter if she’s a girl you met at a bar two hours ago, your girlfriend of six months, or your wife of twenty years. That whole thing about the two of you becoming one does not mean she loses ownership of her own body just like you don’t lose ownership over yours.

If you’re in a stable relationship, your visa might be more of a permanent resident one, but guess what? It can still be revoked. At any time. For any reason. And you probably guessed this on your own, but most likely she doesn’t really have a headache. But you know what? She shouldn’t have to say she does. And if your visa has been revoked, it was for a reason. So don’t try to force, bribe, or cheat your way into her country. Find out what the hell you did wrong while you were there in the first place.

Savvy?