Once again it’s Monday and no one has called me to apologize for this. I just think I deserve at least that, you know, a small apology for having to put up with this miserable day. I don’t demand much, it doesn’t even have to be the President that calls, I’d settle for a senator. Hell, I’ll take an intern. Come think of it, a lot of guys would gladly take an intern. But, it didn’t happen and It doesn’t look like it will so I will have to take my Monday and keep going without as much as a word of comfort.

Well, just because I am miserable doesn’t mean I can’t offer you a kind word of encouragement or two. Here is some motivation for you, hopefully it will help you deal with the curse of Monday… I know it did jack for me.

It is a fact that sometime today, no matter what you do or how careful you plan your schedule, you will have to deal with at least one asshole. Hey, don’t blame me, I didn’t arrange this and I don’t make the rules, it is simply a matter of probabilities. The world as we know it is saturated with imbeciles. There are more assholes in a single block of any given city than a well skilled proctologist will see in his lifetime.

So, what I’m getting at, your day will start a lot better if you just accept the fact that at least one of these mentally mis-wired cretins are going to cross your path sooner or later. You will be able to plan for the encounter and make sure there are exit routes available at all times. One thing to remember is, the earlier you can arrange this meeting, the better off you will be. Why? It’s simple. The later in the day you encounter an asshole, the more people he’s had a chance to piss off before he gets to you. The law of probabilities also states that at least one of these people is going to be mentally unhinged and will eventually come after him with some sort of high power explosives. Which means that the later you run across this sad mistake of nature, the higher your chances of getting hit by shrapnel and possibly getting blood splattered on your Old Navy shirt. Who wants that kind of aggravation, really?

Also, you should always consider the possibility that the asshole might be you, in which case, I will count this as my one encounter of the day and don’t worry about it anymore. Take care!

Originally Published 09/14/2009