Hi again. We have had some complaints regarding the poem in page 2. Apparently it has offended some of our more sensitive readers, particularly those who have reportedly been drinking water out of Lili Town Lake for years. It is my pleasure to announce that after several weeks of reseach and investigation, we discovered that the poem is not entirely true. The young lady mentioned in the poem was actually named Sarah Lee, but her name was changed after an embarrassing lawsuit from a certain producer of baked goods. She did not, however jump into the lake, so all you people from Lili Town can confidently continue getting your water from there. Apparently Clara Lee actually jumped from the bridge on Lili Avenue (hence the confusion) but landed on Mr. Looper, the local pharmacist, who was killed instantly. Clara, however, survived the fall and would have lived a happy life had it not been for the fact that, in a bizarre twist of fate, she died two weeks later during an epidemic caused by the town's lack of a pharmacist.
Sixty-seven people died during this epidemic, including Clara-Lee, Mary-Lou and the author's grand-mother.
The cemetery was full at the time so they were all dumped in the lake.
Ari
Makes a Run For It
by Jouse Kidden, BS
Page 3
The family's third residence in Ecuador was a nice, cozy, one room haunted house. According to the locals, the previous resident and those before them had experienced ghostly encounters of the chilly kind in the house. Somehow, no one bothered to tell the them until a few days after they had moved in. Just as well, because apparently, if you don't believe in ghosts, it's not fun for them to haunt you. Ari, was only recently told of the fact that for the better part of a month several years ago he slept in a haunted house; at which time the retroactive scare almost killed him. Unfortunately, they didn't actually see any ghosts, which is a shame cause that would have made this article almost readable. Almost...
It was shortly after having moved into the haunted house, that Ari and his family finally managed to get a hold of a fake passport and three fake names which they had the nerve to use in order to sneak into the United States. (By the way, if you work for the INS, put down that phone, Ari and his family have been US citizens now for some time. Sorry.) And so they took their phoney passport and boldly went where thousands of people have gone or tried to go before: Miami International Airport... where they were inmediately arrested for illegal entry into the U.S.
Bummer.
And so the Ari and Company Odyssey ended with a couple of handcuffs and a free trip to Krome prison.
At the insistence of my unpleasant employer, I am compelled to thank, on his behalf, all the people that put up money for the bail, for without your help, he might still be stuck in jail.
On a personal note, I would like the addresses of all you people who helped get him out of jail so I can personally slap you senseless.
Good night!
Jouse Kidden, BS, MS, PS