So my kid made me buy him a box of Uncrustables the other day. You may not even know what the hell that is if you don’t have children (good for you), but basically they are apathy and laziness expertly combined into something that halfassedly pretends to be a PB&J sandwich. They are also round, just in case there was even the slightest chance of this manufacturing accident being confused with an actual sandwich.

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Friendzoned.

I cringe every time I see that word, because to me it is the young, unloved child of a patriarchal misogynist culture. The angry, self-pitying sobs of unwarranted entitlement. “I spent a hundred dollars on that date, but she friendzoned me.”

I can’t help but think of a man who makes his way to a remote, exotic, hidden lake in the mountains. But he goes with the sole purpose of spending the day boating and, finding that no boat is made available to him, returns home in disgust and frustration. He declares all lakes are worthless and stupid. He spends the weekend watching Netflix and ranting on Facebook.

He is shored. Friendzoned.

But he is willfully so.

What if that man were to approach the lake with the simple expectation of finding just that, a lake? A beautiful, mysterious ecosystem full of wonder and secrets and depth beyond anything he knew before? A world previously unknown to him, with new perspectives and full of life that he can explore and search and enjoy and yes, maybe he gets to go boating some time. But maybe not and that’s ok too, because there is so much more to see and know. There are feelings and knowledge and questions and experiences. And this is all new. It is a micro-universe of marvels, and he missed it because he couldn’t ride a boat and he was unwilling to see beyond that.

He is shored, but willfully so. He was not thwarted by the lack of boats but by the narrowness of his own vision.

Selfriendzoned.

This is the Sunday night report on movies watched this weekend:
(in no particular order)

Epic – swell enough movie, kept me interested, beautiful animation, well developed leading lady, and Beyonce dies (huge bonus).

Percy Jackson: Sea of Good Actors with Shitty Agents – incredibly shitty movie, it’s like Harry Potter for people who can’t tell the difference between fresh squeezed orange juice and Sunny Delight, also, Anthony Stewart Head must be really short on cash these days, makes me a little sad.

Ender’s Game – still picking up pieces of my mind scattered all over my living room, no further comments.

Good night.