The Trashed Prius

From: Larry’s Desk – Entry 2

purgatory86-titleThere is something you need to know about the Purgatories. You don’t end up here because you stole a candy bar when you were eight, or got drunk at your sister’s wedding and pissed on the cake or consistently refused to drop money in the Salvation Army tin cans. You end up here because everyone ends up here. Everybody.

Joseph Stalin sat in Purgatory 492 for a while. Mother Theresa was lounging at Purgatory 69 until recently. That was a coincidence, by the way, not some sick joke played by the Sorting Guides. At least that’s what they claim.

Right… who are the Sorting Guides. In short, they are the ones who pick you up once you shuffle loose off the mortal coil and deliver you to one of the Purgatories. It all happens too fast for anyone of you to notice, but trust me, they’re there. And they love placing bets. More on that some other time. Continue reading

Larry’s Desk – The 86

purgatory86-titleThere is a lobby in a place you will never see as long as you live. No, no, you should be glad for that. This lobby is well lit, well decorated and very spacious, which it has to be for reasons we will cover in a moment. There is a lovely coffee machine of undetermined brand roughly in the center of the room, but most days it only has decaf coffee of questionable quality. In terms of flavor it lies somewhere between airplane coffee and high quality transmission fluid.

I know all this, because my name is Larry Longkite, and my job is to brew that coffee every single day. Well, it is one my jobs, anyway. My other job is to sit behind a large metal desk in the middle of this lobby, just across from the coffee machine, and deal with endless waves of people. Dead poeple, to be precise. I process their papers when they arrive and then patiently answer their questions, the first of which is usually… “Where the fuck am I?”. Continue reading