Today we’re going to learn a new word, children. It’s an important word that will serve you well in the years to come, especially during those times when your thanksgiving meal refuses to go quietly into the night. In fact, you may very well wonder how you ever did without it. Behold…

borborygmus

You welcome, you crazy scrabble fanatics.

Don’t feel bad if you don’t know what it means. I had literally never heard that word before today and it is strange because it’s a word that can be quite useful. For example, let’s say you’re in a long elevator ride. It’s just you and an impossibly attractive co-worker that you don’t know too well because she works for accounting and you work as little as possible.

Just as you are about to arrive at your floor, the four cups of coffee you had this morning in lieu of breakfast begin a heated argument with the can of Red Bull you had fifteen minutes later in lieu of sleep while the whole thing is being clumsily refereed by the two beers you had the night before in lieu of a social life.

As a result, your stomach starts making gurgling sounds, which, amplified by the small space of the elevator, sound suspiciously like wet farts. Now, under normal circumstances, you and your co-worker would both simply ignore the situation and awkwardly conclude your now extremely uncomfortable elevator ride, parting ways soon after, never to speak again.

But that was before you became enlightened by my blog, because now, instead of simply staying awkwardly silent, you can smile and say,

“Don’t worry, Heather from Accounting, that wasn’t a fart. That was just a borborygmus!”

THEN you can awkwardly conclude your now uncomfortable elevator ride and part ways never to speak again.

Don’t say I never did anything for you.